You Look So Good In Blue
by Twinkle-star15
Summary: Twilight songfic. Edward watches Bella sleeping and thinks about the events of New Moon & Eclipse. Song is Fall Out Boy's 'Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner'. Oneshot, please read & review.


**A/N: This is just a short songfic from Edward's POV. Set sometime in Eclipse. The italics are lyrics from Fall Out Boy's 'Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner'. Some of the lines are paraphrases of lines from the Twilight series too. If you've read the books (and I'm guessing you have, since you're reading this) you'll know which ones, so I'm not going to point it out.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, or the song lyrics. Property of Stephanie Meyer and Fall Out Boy respectively. In layman's terms, NOT MINE, I'm just having a little fun.**

All I can do is stare at her. She's sleeping. I thinks she knows I'm here. I think, even in her sleep, she can tell when I'm here. I sat in the rocking chair at first, but she started whimpering. So I moved to her bed. Just lying next to her- heaven and hell rolled into one. _Can I lay in your bed all day?_

She's just so... tempting. And it's both- always both. Body and blood, the sacrifice of an angel. And God, she's wearing a blue tank top. _You look so good in blue, you look so good in blue. _I wonder if she wears that colour for me.

Her breathing calms when I move closer. I stroke her cheek gently. Remembering, always remembering to keep my control. If I lose control, break my concentration for one second Bella, I could crush your skull. She's so breakable...

I can't help but wonder if she ever did this with Jacob while I was... away. But I can't ask her. _I keep my jealousy close 'cause it's all mine. _It's none of my business what she did with Jacob. I can't ask her. And I'm so jealous of that dog because he was with her when I wasn't. And I know that's my fault. God, I practically threw her at him. So I can't ask. Even though not asking is going to kill me.

She's not the only one affected by this renewed closeness. When I'm not near her, I can't breath. I know I technically don't need to, but it still hurts. I haven't felt in so long. Even blood, even human blood, held no appeal for me. I just... couldn't. But now, near her, it's like I'm whole again. Like there was never anything wrong to begin with. _Nothing comes as easy as you._ Everything about loving Bella, being near her now even, is easy. Because I know the alternative, and that's nothing. A complete absence of everything. No joy, no sadness... everything's just numb, but it still aches. I didn't think monsters could feel pain until I left her.

And she still loves me. I can't understand, after everything I put her through- everything I'm going to put her through. But I'm damn grateful for it all the same. There isn't a moment in her presence when I'm not grateful just to be with her. Is it selfish to want her to give up everything for me? Is it selfish to be grateful to her for keeping our secrets, for forgiving us, for wanting to be one of us? Not that I'd admit it to her; I can't, I can't ask her to do that for me. She's an angel, and she doesn't deserve a monster for a mate- for a husband. She doesn't deserve to become a monster. _I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake. _

I left her. I left her and I broke her. How can she still love me? Even knowing I'm a monster, even after I betrayed her, she still loves me. Knowing I'm going to take her life some day she still loves me. She wears my ring. _I'll weigh you down, I'll watch you choke._ Someday, I'm going to watch her die and know that I'm the cause.

It's not just someday though. I know that every time I leave, whether it's because it's too sunny for us or even to hunt, she dies another death. She still fears me: not for the right reasons, of course. She fears that I'll leave again. She doesn't know that I can't. She doesn't believe that I can't. I'm incapable of putting either of us through that again. And that makes me the most selfish being in existence. I promised her I would leave if she wanted me to, but I know I never could. And I thank God every day that she would never ask me to. It doesn't stop me from hating the look her eyes when I tell her I need to hunt. From hating the way her heart speeds up. I hate that these reactions are my fault. _The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day._

**A/N: So, what do you think? Reviews are much appreciated, I'm new to this and I really want to know if I'm doing okay! Thank you for reading**

**Love,**

**SM (seriously, those are my initials).**


End file.
